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Sep. 22nd, 2008 @ 09:42 pm Jealousy is the Best Policy by liketheriver (5.09 Tracker)
details john

Title: Jealousy is the Best Policy
Pairing: John and  Rodney
Rating: T.
Word count: ~3200
Warning: None
Spoilers: Anything upto and including Tracker
Author Notes: There were a lot of details to choose from in Tracker, but I couldn't resist how jealous John was in that opening scene.  So, here it is, total fanwank, humor, and fluff. Special thanks as always to Koschka for the beta.
Summary:  John gets a little jealous of Rodney's "date" with Jennifer.

Jealousy is the Best Policy

by liketheriver


I sit through most of the debrief catching myself saying things like, “How many Wraith?” and “You were nearly fed on by a Wraith twice?” and “Keller saved your life?”


If possible, that last part is the worst.  Not that I’m not grateful to the doctor for stepping in like that and hitting the Wraith with a stick, at great personal risk to herself, no less, but it’s just one more reason for Rodney to be grateful to her, too.  And I’m just not sure I can take Rodney being grateful for Jennifer being around more than he already is.  After all, I had seen where that sort of gratefulness had led in one version of their lives when I jumped forward nearly fifty thousand years into the future.  Granted it was a version where I had disappeared from Rodney’s life, but the memory of what could be between Keller and McKay still grates on my nerves from time to time… like yesterday when I’d gone to see Rodney before he left on the “mission” and found him primping in front of his mirror. 




Rodney was primping. 


In front of a mirror. 


For Keller.


It’s enough for me to sometimes wish Keller would go on a humanitarian mission to some planet and just not come back.  Not that I wish she would die or anything… not usually anyway… at least not die horrifically. 




No, no, of course I don’t really want that.  No painfully morbid death for Keller. I mean, she has saved Rodney’s life on several key occasions, has saved all our lives, my own included.  But why couldn’t she have simply run off with that other runner guy and lived the rest of her life in blissful happiness away from Atlantis. 


Away from Rodney.


When I realize I’m glaring at the physician enough that she actually backs away from me in her seat on the other side of the table, I amend my last outburst of shock.  “No offense, Doc.”


“Oh, none taken, Colonel.  I’m just glad Rodney managed to get his gun reloaded in time to save us both.”  Jennifer smiles sweetly at McKay who returns the gesture.


Rodney’s grin doesn’t disappear until my own frown turns to him this time.  He just couldn’t be a little slower slamming that magazine home, could he?


“Ronon killed the first one that attacked me,” Rodney points out, “along with a whole hell of a lot of the others.”


I nod my approval at our Satedan teammate.  Ronon kicking Wraith ass is the way it’s supposed to be.  Ronon saving McKay’s ass is the norm.  Me or Teyla … preferably me… are also an acceptable alternative in the life saving department when it comes to Rodney.  Pretty little physicians with dimples are not, unless it involves a scalpel or, on one particularly shitty occasion, power tools to accomplish the task.  From all that I’ve heard, neither was required during these particular circumstances.


Woolsey clears his throat and speaks up.  “Yes, well, I think from now on we should evaluate the practicality of anyone going off world in the future without at least one tactically trained team as backup, no matter how friendly the planet has proven to be in the past.”


“Well, we had half a tactically trained team on this mission,” McKay tries to justify.


“Yeaaah,” I drawl with a sideways glance at McKay as I address Woolsey.  “Despite what Dr. Van Damme seems to think, I’m in complete agreement with you.  No more off world trips without proper military support.”


Rodney apparently isn’t pleased with my conclusion.  “So every time Teyla wants to go visit New Athos we have to go with her?”


Me, I personally don’t give a shit how unhappy he is.  “Well, obviously there will be exceptions that will be handled on a case by case basis.”


Given the way McKay’s eyes narrow dangerously, I can tell he understands the unspoken, “but not for you,” that accompanies my comment.


Keller also picks up on the tension and comes up with an excuse to leave.  “I should get back to the infirmary and check in on our new patient, see if she’s responding to the new antibiotics I started her on.”


“Of course, Doctor,” Woolsey agrees, “I think I have all I need for now.  I will be looking for your full reports in the morning.”


With that, he stands to leave but I’m the first one out the door with Rodney hot on my heels.  That fact has my lips quirking in satisfaction.


“What the hell is up with you?”  Even with his voice lowered, I can hear the irritation, which just makes me have to fight my grin even more.


“What?  I’m only looking out for the well being of my team.  As team leader, not to mention head of military operations here on Atlantis, it’s my job… no, my duty… to look out for you and all the other members of this expedition.”


“You never came up with that prerequisite when Teyla and Jennifer were nearly killed on New Athos, or when Ronon was taken by Tyre when he went gathering plants with Teyla, or …”


I cut off his list with a raised hand even as I continue my clipped pace down the hall.  “Then it’s about time we did something to keep these sorts of things from happening, isn’t it?  I mean, do you enjoy being almost fed upon by a Wraith?  Because I don’t necessarily like hearing about you being almost fed upon by a Wraith… by two Wraith in as many days.”  I push back the nausea that thought brings yet again.  “This way, I’ll be there to watch your back with a fully loaded P90 instead of Little Doctor Sunshine and her deadly twig.”


Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Rodney’s brow furrow in confusion at my name for Keller, and, yeah, maybe I should try to tone it down a little bit and stop trying to grind my back molars into a fine powder.  But sue me; I tend to get a little grumpy when McKay nearly dies and that seems to be happening a hell of a lot more lately than I care to think about.


That realization has my jaw clenched tight once more as I wave an arm as I walk. “I mean, hey, unless you prefer to have an untrained person protecting your six instead of someone with actual combat experience and a commission in the United States Air Force.  Just like you apparently prefer to spend your day off taking care of sick people on another planet instead of taking a little down time here on Atlantis.”


“Oh my God!  Is that what this is all about?”


“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I tell him blandly as I palm open the door to my quarters with a little more force than is technically necessary.


He follows me in as I knew he would… as he damn well better have done… and laughs.  “You’re jealous!”


“Jealous?” I snort.  “Why would I be jealous?”


“Of Jennifer,” Rodney insists.  “You’re jealous that I went off world with her instead of staying here and hanging out with you.”


“Did you sniff up another parasite when I wasn’t looking or have you gone flat out nuts from the pressure?  Because there is no way I’m jealous of…” I snap my mouth shut on about five names that immediately come to mind and settle on, “… her.”


McKay crosses his arm with a smug little grin.  “Oh, really?  Because I had no idea that the Air Force was issuing their uniforms in shades of envy green these days.”


“You need to shut the fuck up right now, McKay.  Got it?”  I poke a finger into his chest.  “Because there is no way, no how, that I am jealous of Jennifer Keller.  Because there is no reason for me to be jealous of Jennifer Keller.  Right?”


“You’re absolutely right.”  The arrogant curve of Rodney’s lips softens into something a little more personal before they land comfortably on my own.


“Damn straight I’m right,” I grumble quietly, staying in close and looking down to see that I have a fistful of his t-shirt twisted in my hand.  And even though I’m wondering when the hell I reverted back to the petulant teenager stage, I can’t seem to make myself loosen my hold.  Which makes me wonder how the hell a brazen, conceited, Canadian astrophysicist managed to become the end all be all of my world.


Wrapping his arms around me, McKay speaks against my temple.  “We talked about this before I offered to go with her.”


“Yeah, well, talking about it and liking it aren’t the same things,” I remind him yet again.


It’s a stupid plan; a stupid plan to deal with a fucking stupid code of military conduct, and if I want to hate every damn second of it then, by God, I will.  But McKay is right that the best way to throw anyone who may be suspicious of us off the trail is for at least one of us to be “dating” someone else. Yeah, Rodney thinks we need a beard, and maybe he’s right.  Problem is, I’m inclined to shave off this fucking beard before it ever starts growing.


“You like having me here, don’t you?” He asks with another kiss.  “Because I like being here.  I like it a lot.”


“Oh, Jesus,” I groan at his appeasing tone.  “Is this how you plan to handle her when she bitches about you spending too much time playing computer golf with me?”


Rodney straightens and rolls his eyes.  “Hey, you could have been the one going after the girl instead of me.”


“I don’t want or need a girlfriend,” I tell him with an irritated frown of my own.  “I apparently have my hands full dealing with the boyfriend I already have.”  When a ridiculously goofy smile cuts crookedly across McKay’s face at the designation I’ve given him, I shake my head before I can smile back at him the same way for the same damn reason.  “Oh, for fuck’s sake, Rodney, will you just blow me in apology already for going on a date with Keller on your day off instead of staying here with me having sex and playing video games.”


“Well, geez, when you put it that way,” Rodney snorts, but he starts unfastening my pants as he continues to speak.  “Although I would hardly consider the past two days a date.”


“And could we please not talk about how you nearly died again?  The only thing worse than you going on a goddamn date is the thought of you coming home from the date in a fucking body bag.” 


When my voice goes a little hoarse toward the end, Rodney looks up at me with a worried crease forming across his forehead.  “John?”


I’d been forming a rescue party.  When they finally ran through the gate, they were already overdue and I’d been in the process of gathering up a couple of teams of marines and Teyla and going after our two teammates and the expedition’s CMO.  And I’d been doing my best not to think about what I might find on the other side of the gate.  Instead I had been trying to focus on the task at hand, focus on protocol, focus on a plan for going into an unknown situation and getting our people back.  Then I found myself trying to focus on not grabbing Rodney and kissing him in front of God and everybody in the control room when he did show up, wide-eyed and breathing hard, before bending in the middle with his hands on his knees and mumbling, “Christ, I can’t believe we actually made it back alive.”


But here in my room, I don’t have to focus on anything except the way Rodney’s biceps feel under my hands as I grip them tightly to pull him in close, and the way his mouth is open and welcoming as I kiss him, and the way his body feels moving against mine when we manage to remove most of our clothes and work around those that remain as we fall in a tangled heap on my bed.


Afterward, as I lay with my hand resting between the cotton of his shirt and the warmth of his skin, feeling the way his heart pounds reassuringly against my palm, I give into something else I’ve wanted to say since I’d seen him primping in front of that damn mirror the day before.  “Can we please just stop with this girlfriend shit and go back to you being a socially inept genius and me being a flirtatious Kirk with no intentions of settling down?”


“Stop it.”  Rodney laughs softly and swats sloppily at my head before using the same hand to knead soothingly into my scalp.  “Your compliments are getting me hard again already.”


I lift up enough to look down into sated blue eyes.  “I’m serious, McKay.  It’s worked so far, why do we need to change things now?”


“Because it’s getting harder for me to hide how I really feel about you.” He runs a callused thumb along the stubble on my jaw and snorts.  “Hell, I don’t even think I was all that good at it before we started doing this.  And, honestly, after that little pouting fit yesterday morning in my doorway, I’ve come to the conclusion that you pretty much suck at it, too.”


“I wasn’t pouting.” And even I can hear the sullenness in my defense.




“I wasn’t! I was just appalled by your primping.”


“I wasn’t primping.”


Now it’s my turn to bark laughter.


“Okay, fine,” Rodney snaps.  “I’ll admit to a modicum of… sprucing up if you’ll admit that you were a little sulky.”


I scowl down at him before finally settling back on his chest and mumbling, “Maybe just a little.”


Broad fingers land on the nape of my neck and start running lazily up into my hair.  “Not that any of my preparations did me any good seeing as Ronon went along, too.”


I do my best not to smile at how well that idea had worked.  One quick stop by Ronon’s room after I left Rodney’s and the date had become a group outing.  “Yeah, that’s too bad.  So, how did that work out anyway?”


“Terrible.  I really think Jennifer has a thing for him.  Did you know he’s been giving her sparring lessons?”


“Really?” I ask, pleasantly surprised by that little tidbit.


“Yes, really.  That’s how she was able to hold her own against the Wraith until I could reload my gun.”  There’s a gentle tug at the hair on the top of my head.  “And you don’t have to sound so happy with the news.  I won’t stand a chance against him.”


“I know,” I tell him, instantly cheered.


“Hey!  What does that say about you that you just had sex with a man who can’t win a girl from a man who believes silverware is about as useful as a piece of parsley garnish on a steak?”


“It says I get to keep having sex with that man without worrying about him having sex with the girl, that’s what.” I lean up to plant a happy kiss on his chin.  “Besides, I don’t think you’re seeing how this can work to our advantage.” I move my lips and tongue leisurely along his jaw.  “The only thing better to convince people we’re not a couple than you actually dating Keller is you pining after Keller.”  A small smile of understanding starts to form on Rodney’s face and I nod my head in approval that he’s finally catching on.  “Yeah?  See?  This may be the best thing that could have happened.”


I drop my mouth to suck lightly on Rodney’s neck so that I sense more than see the concerned expression on his face as he considers the possibilities of my plan.


“Problem is, I’m not sure Ronon is going to make a move.”  Leave it to McKay to be Mr. Sensitive.  “You know him with that whole angsting over the dead girlfriend on Sateda thing.”


As true as that is, I had seen Ronon and Keller after the whole quarantine lock down fiasco and something had definitely happened with those two.  Granted, McKay is right that Ronon doesn’t seem to be in any rush to have it happen again.  But with a push in the right direction, things could work out for everyone involved.


“That’s why you need to give him a little nudge.”  I use my nose to nudge Rodney’s chin up to gain access to that sensitive spot located there and give him a little nudge in the right direction, too.


“Nudge?” Rodney asks in confusion, or maybe it’s distraction from the way I flick my tongue against soft flesh.


“Yeah, let him see that he has a little competition,” I mumble against his skin and his hand in my hair stops caressing and grips as he sucks in a breath.  “You know Ronon can’t stand to lose at anything.”


And the truth of the matter is, neither can I.


“So what?  You want me to challenge him to a duel over her?”


With a roll of my eyes and nip for saying something so stupid, I tell him.  “I didn’t just get you back from multiple Wraith attacks to have Ronon pummel you into the mats of the gym.”  I scoot down enough to kiss his chest where I’ve pushed his shirt up out of the way.  “All you have to do is let him know what your intentions are and let nature… take… its… course.”  I accentuate that last bit with a kiss for each word, moving lower with each one.


“Nature… course… oh, Jesus…”  Calling him a socially inept genius may not have got his motor running again, but running my lips along his pelvis definitely does.  I’m rewarded with a breathless, “John…” when my hand cups him gently.


“Hmmm?” I inquire in complacency as my tongue swirls and dips into his navel.


“Green… really does… suit… you.”


Green may suit me, but the pink skin beneath my lips arouses me and the blue eyes that are fluttering closed anchor me and the soft brown hair that I’ll rest my cheek against while we sleep tonight soothes me and all of it together makes up the man who has helped to define me.


I grin and let my mouth travel lower and let that be my response, let him know that this is where he belongs, right here with me.  If it takes a little jealousy on my part to prove that point, then so be it.  Sometimes jealousy is the best policy in these situations… it sure the hell seems to be working in this one.  Although, I don’t think it’s necessary at the moment, just like I don’t think I need to worry about Rodney going anywhere anytime soon. Given the declarations of his undying love for me that he’s babbling combined with the interspersed incoherent gurgling noises, he seems content to stay right where he is.


And, even if I could speak at the moment, you wouldn’t hear one word of complaint out of me at that plan.


The End

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Date:September 23rd, 2008 05:36 am (UTC)
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hehehe... "Dr. Van Damme!" I love jealous John :o)
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Date:September 23rd, 2008 01:34 pm (UTC)
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Thanks! I have a thing for jealous John, too. *G*
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Date:September 23rd, 2008 05:58 am (UTC)

any SGA jealous is good

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very cute !! got em down packed !!
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Date:September 23rd, 2008 01:34 pm (UTC)

Re: any SGA jealous is good

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Thanks so very much! Glad you enjoyed it.
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Date:September 23rd, 2008 06:05 am (UTC)
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Thank you! I couldn't even stand to watch the episode after seeing the first few minutes of it, but you made everything all right in my world. This is canon for me, now, lol. And as always, thank you for a wonderful story.
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Date:September 23rd, 2008 01:37 pm (UTC)
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Thanks so much! You know, I was actually surprised that I enjoyed the ep. It was all because of Rodney babbling on about Eager Beavers and mistaking women for men but I thought it was a fun ep. And Keller didn't grate on me nearly as bad as usual. If they wrote her like this from day one, I might actually enjoy her. But I do like this idea of canon, too. *G*
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Date:September 23rd, 2008 01:27 pm (UTC)
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Heeee! So cute! John was so, totally jealous! Then I was reading a board and everyone was like "It's so clear John is trying to get Keller and Rodney together, because he knows they were together in the other time line!" And I was like "o_O Bwuh? He looked like he was going to have a fit when he was Rodney primping to go off with Keller...."

So very clear, Rodney's just trying to use her as a beard, since his old one dumpped him.
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Date:September 23rd, 2008 01:39 pm (UTC)
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I don't know how you could read that as anything but jealousy. It wasn't teasing, it wasn't a pep talk, it was sulking pure and simple. I burst out laughing when I saw it because he was sooooo pouty. *G* But I'm glad you enjoyed the fic. Thanks so much!
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Date:September 23rd, 2008 02:12 pm (UTC)
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Thank you for this. You've made me feel a lot better about that ridiculous love triangle thing. I like the idea of Rodney and John playing matchmaker for Ronon and Keller. And I love how you write jealous John. Enjoyed this very much!
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Date:September 24th, 2008 01:19 pm (UTC)
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I find the whole triangle thing insane, but I have to admit I love a jealous John. *G* Thanks so much!
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Date:September 23rd, 2008 05:43 pm (UTC)
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Perfection: "Green may suit me, but the pink skin beneath my lips arouses me and the blue eyes that are fluttering closed anchor me and the soft brown hair that I’ll rest my cheek against while we sleep tonight soothes me and all of it together makes up the man who has helped to define me."

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Date:September 24th, 2008 01:20 pm (UTC)
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Thanks so very much! I'm so happy you enjoyed it.
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Date:September 23rd, 2008 10:43 pm (UTC)
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Little Doctor Sunshine and her deadly twig.

Ha! I'm a sucker for the boys being the boys. Especially while making out. Nicely done!
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Date:September 24th, 2008 01:21 pm (UTC)
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Thanks so much! I'm like you... just because they're making out doesn't mean the snarking stops. *G*
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Date:September 24th, 2008 02:30 am (UTC)
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Have to agree with the above, this is my canon, too. Love your jealous John - all pouting and sulking. Hee "Little Doctor Sunshine". (Although I think there is some truth to that). I hate the triangle idea, but love your take with John and Rodney matchmaking for Ronon and Keller. I think those two actually had some chemistry in "Quarantine". Enjoyed the jealousy, worry and hot make up sex in this. Great job! Thank you for redeeming th ep. Jealous John rules!
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Date:September 24th, 2008 01:23 pm (UTC)
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Thank you very much! You know, the more I thought about it, the more I can *totally* see John as the jealous boyfriend. He is so protective of those he cares about that he will do anything to keep what is his as his. So glad you enjoyed it.
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Date:September 24th, 2008 03:51 am (UTC)
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Hehe, evil plotting and jealous John is too much fun. BTW, do you have a story when John and Rodney get together? I love this fic!!! Must have more soon, please!
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Date:September 24th, 2008 01:38 pm (UTC)
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Thank you! And jealous John really is too much fun. *G* As to the John and Rodney get to together stories (I'm assuming you're meaning first time fics), I had to go back to my master list and recheck myself. LOL! There were more than I remembered.

Gift Horse is probably the most traditional John and Rodney start a relationship fic.
With... is a first time that is also a tag to The Shrine.
Slither (one of my favorite fics to write and my first solo slash)is an odd combination of emotionally established but physical first time.
I'll Take You Dreaming deals with them having sex in dreams and going from there.
The Pegasus Device (another of my personal favorites) is a 40's Noire/World War II AU epic that has them getting together and following them years beyond that.
Memento Memeographa is kind of sort of a first time with robots!
And then On the Brink and Clean Slate are both technically preslash but they deal with taking that next step from friends to more.

Oh! And my likethekoschka fics... The Geek's Field Guide to Arachnids has a flashback to their first time and The Goon's Guide to Psychoanalysis delves back into it even more for the relationship they have in that series of fics.

You can find all the links to these on my Master Fic List at the top of my LJ. Hope you enjoy them!